Mourning Our Pets

Cats and dogs are a very important part of our life. For many single people, a pet may be the sole companion in life. In a family with children, a pet is like a special child that all look after and care for. Whatever the situation may be, in modern times we develop very strong emotional relationships with out pets. This is particularly the case in urban societies.

In rural agricultural societies, animals are a part of the production unit. Emotional attachment to the animals is not beneficial. Cows will eventually be shipped to the slaughter house. A low-producing cow is a burden for the enterprise and must be culled. Dogs and cats are an important component of the enterprise because their job is to protect the premises and control pests. In general, the pattern of relationship with production animals is extended to the small animals. Without any doubt, people in rural societies develop emotional attachment to their animals, but when it comes facing their death, a detached approached is usually taken.

Many of us are still marked by the human–animal relationships dominant in rural societies. Some of us were brought up on farms; many of our parents grew up on farms or in small villages. We have become urban, often being city dwellers for no more than a couple of generations. In an urban society, we keep pets mostly for company. There is not utilitarian value attached to them. We see them as what they are, non-humans, but develop human-to-human-like bonds with our pets, where we love them as if they were our children. Other voices tell us that they are just animals. This emotional struggle comes into full force when we experience their death. The deep emotional loss moves us to cry, but the social constraint tells us to just move on. This dichotomy is particularly strong in men who are taught to not show emotion, not to cry.

When one of our friends or relatives dies, we go through a long process of mourning where ritual plays an important part in the healing. We perform funerals, visitations, meet with friends to talk about the dead one, write poems, eulogies and bury their bodies or scatter their ashes in a special place.

Generally, we do not allow this ceremonial process with our dead pets. We may just bring them to the animal hospital to have them euthanized. Then, we leave empty handed with a huge knot in our throats and try to tell ourselves that it is all right and that life goes on. Loosing a child is the worst experience that a parent can have. Losing a pet comes pretty close to that. Yet, this is not acknowledged.

We need to acknowledge the deep parental love we have for our pets and fully mourn the loss. We should feel encouraged to be with them when they are given the injection, to pet them and comfort them. We need to allow ourselves to cry, feel sad and realize the void that they leave with their death. We must and should be free to perform ceremonies to mark their departure. We need to take time off to mourn.

We may feel like crying, and need to cry every time we think of the good times we had with them, of the gift of unconditional love that they gave us every day of their lives. Eventually, the sadness gives way to the warm memories of the departed one and the excitement of the new four-legged child that challenges our patience and tolerance for mess and chaos.

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